I’m a little late to the game but there’s still time for me to ask for your money once again this year!
CAMH’s One Brave Night is taking place on Friday May 10th, and once again I am campaigning for them. This campaign not only raises awareness and aids in mental health discussions through a unique approach, but raises funds for research and support for those living with mental illnesses every day. Over the past 2 years, thanks to you wonderful people, I have raised almost $1000 for this campaign, contributing to the $3.2 million that’s been raised since 2015. That money has been used to:
-create new youth clinics to help address the gaps in mental health treatment
-test new treatment options for people with severe and treatment-resistant depression
-aid in redeveloping CAMH facilities to build treatment, education and research spaces
-expand effective mental health services in remote and underserved communities around the country

I’ve always been very vocal as to why I’m such a major advocate for mental health, but this year I’ve decided to take a different approach to my fundraising. While I’ve always been very open about my experience and struggles with mental illness in the past, this year I’ve decided to open up about my recent battles.
After a very difficult fall semester, having undergone what was the most difficult time of my life, I struggled to figure out what was next for me. I was torn with the ambition to study abroad, but anxious about what that would be like. The holidays had gotten me down and I struggled to find motivation to continue on my educational path. I decided to take the semester off school, and even then was not happy with my decision. I found myself spiralling into a dark hole and wasn’t content with any decision I made, always unsure of myself and my future, and ultimately felt like the biggest disappointment and failure to my family and friends.
I’ve always been an anxious person, and despite having endured panic attacks since age 11 I’ve found they occur much more frequently when I’m stressed. I live with OCD every day but my symptoms and compulsions act up much more frequently when I’m stressed and overanxious. Panic attacks started to become a daily thing, and I found that I was constantly living with a heavy weight on my shoulders that I couldn’t get rid of.
After going to therapy as a teenager I found that I was able to control my anxiety a little better and resist the obsessions and compulsions I found that I was battling every day.
As I continued through my life I found that I had specific panic triggers I knew about – exam season, talking about career options, general fears about the future – but also had many triggers I couldn’t place. In my second year at Humber College the province-wide college strike took place, giving me plenty of time to question if PR was really what I wanted to pursue. As a result of the 5 weeks off from school, our Christmas holiday was cut in half, first semester bled into second semester, there was no reading week and second semester ran later than scheduled. To say the least, the year overall was swamped with chaos, and my life was close to a constant state of panic for 7 months.
Starting third year brought many new challenges to my life. A close personal loss threw me into feelings of grief I didn’t know how to cope with, and my uncertainty regarding my field or study deepened as I struggled to find any enjoyment in my classes. I was all set to start my semester abroad in Dublin in January, but this too was extremely stress-provoking. Finding Abbey hidden between all these emotions seemed impossible, and living inside my own head became unbearable. I began counting down the days left of the holiday break but struggled to form any decision. Eventually I concluded the only thing I could aim to do was take a break from life. No studying abroad. No going back to Humber. No applying for summer internships. It took me until close to March to really come to terms with my decision, but March brought a whole new slew of challenges.
I wasn’t sleeping. Again. My morphed sleep schedule became the insomnia I lived with in highschool, and nighttime brought sadness to no avail. I began feeling like a burden, so I shut myself off from the people closest to me. I was angry at everything. Confused. Frustrated. My moods flipped from one end of the spectrum to the other and I lashed out at those trying to show they cared. I felt weak, I felt like a failure. Not only was I not in school but what did I have to show for myself during my time off? Working? A bit of travel? Some initiative that later turned to dust when I lost motivation?
I found myself miserable all the time & went into the hospital because I wasn’t sure what else to do. I was put on anti-depressants and given anxiety and sleeping meds, and started going to therapy to get me out of this rut. I spent 5 days in bed, took a few weeks off work and took no enjoyment in anything. Since then I’ve gone through phases of feeling better and phases of darkness, hope and despair, and flashes of positivity and negativity. My family, friends and my faith are what I’ve turned to and depended on to get me through everything, with the belief that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel.
Even as I write this I find I’m going through one of my darker times, and am struggling to find a rope to hang onto, but I know there is support out there and hope for me. CAMH is just one of the options, and while I personally have never reached out to them, I have complete confidence in the help they’ve supplied to many people struggling out there.
Spread love and happiness in any way you can, and if you are able to, please donate using the attached link.

xoxo

http://give.camh.ca/site/TR/OBN/OneBraveNight?px=1123565&pg=personal&fr_id=1130